Hugo's Blogspotting: 27 September

Ballas On Film

The Ballas are back! Ok, they never went away, but over on Nat Arem’s blog he has put up a trailer for thepokerfilm, a documentary he has produced. As you can guess from the title it’s about the sick little game that we all love/hate and it’s about four young online players who may not even be old enough to play in a casino.

Now if you have read this column since it’s humble beginnings you may remember a couple of piss-takey paragraphs where it appeared I was ridiculing these young whippersnappers who are raping us of all our money these days. Was I jealous and bitter? Probably.

Anyway, some punk kid got hold of something I’d written and posted it up on Nat’s blog to which they all poured scorn on my semi-coherent ramblings. I then put a comment on Nat’s blog trying to explain that I didn’t mean anything bad by it (after all, everything looks about 20 times stronger when you write it down) and he was cool about it.

What’s all this got to do with anything and why should I care? I hear you ask. Well, this pre-amble is just so that you know that I am being sincere when I say that this doc looks BRILLIANT! Poker has turned a corner and the internet and these super-aggressive young players have changed the game, no doubt about it. You only have to look at Annette’s fantastic WSOPE win for proof. I think my favourite part of the trailer is when yellowsub86 looks at the camera and says,

“I ended up $5800 up on the sesh. That pays for the evening, and the hookers.”

I hope he’s not joking about the hookers; although it wouldn’t be the first poker documentary to show poker players’ taste for ladies of the night. I recall a documentary on the BBC which had scene with Jac Arama negotiating with a whore in a Russian casino. Anyway, I digress, the point is we’ve had plenty of docs about all the name pros, it’s about time there was something on the kids who are actually winning all the green.

Barry G's Bohemian Love Pad

Speaking of old-time pros and ballas, Barry Greenstein shows us around his house/mansion (or crib as the kidz call it these days) in this video at cardplayer.com. Now, Barry seems like a cool guy and is obviously a great poker player, but seriously, some of these guys need a lesson in taste. Red Velvet curtains? Ersatz fine art? Why do people with money always think that opulence means “classy”? To be fair, even he says that all he knows are hotel casinos so why not make all of your bedrooms look like a suite at the Venetian?

I guess the last time somebody like Barry G was in a regular house or flat was probably when he was a kid at his parents house waaaaay back in the mists of time, like the 1950s or something…..

Besides showing us his hideous décor there’s a good moment when Barry says,

“Very often when I come home there are like kids in the gallery sleeping in sleeping bags…”

I realise Barry has done many great things for children’s charities, but that sounds like he is now personally taking them in off the street. Is there no end to this poker legend’s philanthropy?

Barry also famously is partial only to Asian women and right at the end of the video he tells the presenter,

“You’re about the only non-Asian woman I’ve allowed in my house”

You can’t say Greenstein doesn’t know what he likes.

Mmmmmm...Doughnuts

From the sublime to the ridiculous; let’s take a look at Lucky Jim’s blog. Carrying on from last week when I recalled John Kabbaj saying he had no money to buy food; well, it seems a spooky parallel, but it looks like Jim has no money to buy food:

“I lost some more money playing in the night, and woke to my alarm to see a £30 bank charge meant I had no cash whatsoever until some small withdrawals came through. That meant at best no breakfast or lunch, and my last packet of pasta in the evening.”

Legendary player Francis Rohan used to love telling bad players that they would “soon be eating catfood” and I fear that Jim may well be heading this way. But no! He does actually have a job in an office at the moment which means that he can at least have a look through the dustbins and finish off the remains of various co-workers’ sandwiches. If that’s no good there’s always this possibility:

“But no-one ever died of starvation at a City law firm. At 3pm a lawyer sent round an email that as it was her birthday she had put out cakes and doughnuts in the kitchen on the floor below. I didn't know her, but a quick reconnaisance mission showed me a back staircase through which I could get there unseen by any members of staff. Over the next hour and several trips I consumed three Krispy Kreme doughnuts, a slice of Tesco's Finest chocolate cake, and two slices of orange and lemon cake.”

Good to see you share Doyle Brunson’s penchant for desserts Jim. But seriously, here’s my tip if you’re hungry. Go to your local cardroom, preferably before the tournament starts. Order a nice cuppa and a sarnie off the waitress. When she brings said items tip her a quid (you can borrow that off some sucker).Before the tournament starts make a loud show of how a certain poker player owes you money and how he hasn’t shown up and now you can’t play the comp. Or, if this is no good, say something along the lines of how you thought it was a £500 freezeout and there’s no way you’re going to stoop to playing a £10 rebuy tournie. Or you could just slink off quietly (perhaps this is the best strategy). Dinner for a pound.

There was actually a player who used to do this at the Stakis casino in London many years ago. Eventually the management cottoned on and he was barred, but at least the waitresses always knew what he wanted…

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