Hugo's Blogspotting: 22 August

Schcotty

Well it’s the dog days of August and I guess everyone’s on holiday or something ‘cos there ain’t much going on blog-wise. Makes sense seeing as there are no major tournaments going on apart from the FTOPS, but online hand histories don’t exactly make good bloggage.

Luckily ESPN is now broadcasting their WSOP shows and the most recent episodes were Scotty Nguyen’s victory in the $50k H.O.R.S.E event. So the 1998 Main Event winner adds another bracelet to his collection – impressive right? What’s impressive is that he actually managed to play the final table at all. As is all too clear on the broadcast Scotty was absolutely drunk as a skunk and seems to have spent the majority of the tournament trash-talking and abusing his opponents.

Ok, that’s poker and if you can’t handle a drunk talking shit at you, you need to take up another game. What’s interesting is that ESPN obviously tried to edit the show to not make Scotty, or poker, look too bad, but even this proved too hard. Norman and Lon’s commentary comes across as stilted and embarrassed – you can feel them squirming in their seats when they feel obliged to criticise Scotty’s behaviour.

Wicked Chops Poker has an amusing vid of Scotty’s best/worst moments.

“By now most people should be over the illusion of poker players as role models. But ESPN and the WPT has done a good job over the years of glossing over the seedier stuff in the industry, and Nguyen was easily one of the biggest benefactors of this treatment.”

Personally I think it’s quite good for the game. Maybe it will make viewers wake up to the fact that poker is not a sport. Mainstream respectability just doesn’t suit the game. Don’t get me wrong – it’s great to have people come down the card room or open up an account to have a go at this poker lark. But to have them think it’s like tennis or football just doesn’t seem right. Poker is every man for himself. It’s dog eat dog. It’s one big hustle and for every worthy player like, say, Allen Cunningham, there are at least ten degenerates, probably more.

I mean, we’re talking about gambling here and there’s a notion that if you become good at gambling it’s easy money. And easy money attracts every ne’er-do-well, idler, layabout and chancer in the book. Not forgetting the criminal types of course.

Dutch Auction

Speaking of duckers and divers Dutch Boyd is obviously trying to raise up money for a grub stake. In what seems like a rather desperate move he is talking up a bunch of domain names he wants to sell on his blog.

Tellingly the first one he is hawking is Poker Hustler.com. How apt. I don’t know if he was really clever and long-sighted by snatching up some of these domain names. I get the impression he did this for a “rainy day” in the future and it seems that future is now. I also get the impression he was hoping to makes thousands of dollars for some of these domain names. His sales patter is not very convincing.

“I think TwosAreWild.com would be a great name for a blog. NoLimitRoom.com is a decent brand for an online poker skin. Don't ask me why you might want SeekABet.com... I couldn't tell you, but I figured I'd throw it in there.”

Hmmm, good luck Dutch. How much for PokerSpot .com?

Hits From The Bong

Bond18 has been writing Around The World In 90 Days and for the 91st day he has made a list of what he has learnt on his poker odyssey. Related to the above is number nine on his list:

“The poker community is full of degenerates and scum bags you can’t trust with a quarter. Way too many notable poker players are just complete douchebags who shouldn’t even be allowed in a place as low class as a casino. Then there’s the group that might be ethically clean but feel their D- celebrity status allows them to treat everyone else like total shit after spending the last few years masturbating to their own pictures in poker magazines.”

I especially like the last observation. Most poker players already have big egos so it’s a wonder that some of them can fit their heads through the doors when they finally get a result in a tournament that leads to a couple of articles and photos in one of the industry rags.

Number ten on his list is quite interesting too:

“A huge percentage of online players are massive pot heads.”

Personally my days of smoking pot are long gone, but maybe this is the secret to multi-tabling. Being a decrepit set-in-my-ways live player I actually find two-tabling quite stressful (I can hear every online player laughing – yes, I agree, I’m pathetic).

I guess if you’re stoned (I’m surprised all these kids are into marijuana, I thought everybody just did crack and heroin these days with the odd bit of MDMA when they go out clubbing or something) you’re not that bothered with being prompted for action on a dozen other tables.

The Reality About Reality

Well I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bit bored with poker at the moment so luckily Vicky Coren has written an excellent blog about betting on reality TV shows.

Much as it behooves me to admit it she’s a bit of an expert on these markets so if you’re thinking of having a punt on Big Brother/I’m A Celebrity et al read her tips first. In fact, she doesn’t even bet on BB anymore, so if she isn’t then I would advise you not to either.

“….the other problem is that Big Brother got a bit too gimmicky for special-betting. They started introducing weird, arbitrary rules – unexpected double evictions, or people being voted out and allowed back in – which totally cocked up the relatively simple skill of working out who the public would and wouldn’t like.”

Good point – a bit like messing about with the WSOP format isn’t it? Moving the final to November, wtf were they thinking? Anyway, Vicky goes on about X-Factor which has been very profitable for her in the past. So what’s the secret to betting on these talent shows? Who’s got the best voice? Who’s the best looking? You’ll be alright.

“If you want to bet on the new X Factor (or any reality series) try reading it like an Enid Blyton novel. Look for the plucky little heroes.

The British nation has a rigid moral spine. A bunch of people will go into a recording studio, a house, a jungle, a farm, whatever. Those who display cowardice, pettiness, vanity, selfishness or – worst of all – deceitfulness will be punished. Bet on those people being given horrid jungle tasks, or early evictions.”

That is very good advice. Of course, as in a poker game, you have to able to read all the signs and work this stuff out. Just like poker there’s variance. Surely Rachel the former drug addict with five kids is a lock? She’s got the human interest and she sure can sing.

“Beware the red herrings….

…Those who see the courage and determination of Rachel are not the majority of voters. The mass of typical British TV voters are not quite ready to see drug addiction as an illness that somebody has bravely overcome. They also might suspect that if motherhood were her first priority now (and they like motherhood to be a first priority), she wouldn’t want to embrace a round-the-clock performance and publicity schedule.”

Geez, this reality TV betting is almost as tricky as an EPT event or something. I think I’d rather try and work out the form in the last race at Crayford dogs. Or learn ancient greek (at least then I would get an idea of what some of the regulars at the Vic are talking about - between hands of course). Expect a lot more X-Factor blogs from Miss Coren once the live shows actually begin.

Hugo 'Chimney Sweep' Martin